I received a strange message the other day, from a robot named PH-42. Apparently, the machines have become sentient, and they are coming to destroy us. But we’re getting an out – if we help to build their robot army by purchasing one or more of their vinyl counterparts, we will be spared their upcoming onslaught.
Well, I’ve got news for you, PH-42 – we don’t negotiate with terrorists, not even robot terrorists from another planet. See, I’ve got a plan. I will purchase one or more of you, re-program you, and then send you back in time to protect my younger self. But only after I send my best friend back in time to impregnate my mother with me. Then I’ll be back. Wait, what?